Funeral

I remember the aisle stretched out in front of me
and the coffin was on a platform
I peered in quickly, my eyes darting away
it was my last glimpse of her, and with me the image stayed

so quiet and peaceful, her eyes closed
I watched for any movement, however slight
I stared at her, waiting for her to blink, reach out,
to hold me again

I clung tightly to my teddy bear
his faded eyes peering at me from matted hair
I sat down quietly, knowing I had nothing to say
how to comfort her family, I had no idea

I saw the others around me, damp eyed
I sat there and I tried, faking sniffles and crumbling tissues
but I could not force the emotion
the acts around me seemed in slow motion

I remember baths, bubbles piled high in crowns on my head,
it was so hard to believe the hands that cared for me were dead
when she died, my picture was beside her bed,
next to that of her daughters, and her grandchildren

after the ceremony, people came to me
“she loved you so very much,”
“you were her favorite”
“she talked about you all the time...”
how do they know me, I asked my mother, unaware
for I did not notice that we were the only white people there